I confess great anxiety today. Once again, I'm holding on to this topic proposal by my fingernails. I should have turned in something more solid to my editor yesterday, but here I am, the next morning, scrambling for something in the next hour before I leave for class.

It's not even just this topic proposal. It's anxiety over the next couple weeks (again)and the dreaded feeling of how-will-I-get-through-it-all?

And so I'm struggling to remember, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (Mt. 6:27) and "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Mt. 6:34) That's for sure! :P

Speaking of ashes...

Ash Heap Lives by Francis Schaeffer

"Materialism can be understood in several ways. Those who are philosophically oriented will think of philosophic materialism. This perspective, which dominates our educational system today, is antithetical to Christianity. It says that man is only the energy particle more complex and that religion is no more than a psychological or sociological tool. So Christians reject this; they cannot be this sort of materialist.

Some people will think of the materialism represented by the communist philosophy and communist nations — dialectical materialism. And because it is horrible that these states limit the perspective of millions of people (especially the children) to an entirely materialistic explanation of life, as well as subordinate the individual to the state, Christians cry out, “Down with dialectical materialism!”

But even Christians can reject both of these materialisms and yet not escape from a third kind — what I call practical materialism. Tragically, all too many of us live out this antithesis of true spirituality. We all tend to live “ash heap lives”; we spend most of our time and money for things that will end up in the city dump.

Practical materialism is difficult to escape in any age, but it is especially hard today because we all tend to be influenced by the spirit around us, and in the United States and the Western world most people have only two values — personal peace and affluence. Many young people have rejected their parents’ style of materialism only to come round in a big circle to their own kind. As long as they have enough money to pay for their life-style, they care about nothing else."

Read the whole article here.

Southern California is burning! Watching the news on TV was terrible, as blocks of houses were destroyed in single fiery swoops and people mourned the loss of their homes and goods.

The smoke and ash even made its way to Orange County, where there are no fires (knock on wood.) I've never experienced anything like it. It felt like the end of the world... a thick orange fog hung everywhere in the air and the sun didn't even peek through much. If you left a window open, you would smell the fire and smoke from the inside of your house. And after just standing outside for some time, a thin layer of ash would deposit itself on you. Incredible.

"When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship

"If our Christianity has ceased to be serious about discipleship, if we have watered down the gospel into emotional uplift which makes no costly demands and which fails to distinguish between natural and Christian existence, then we cannot help regarding the cross as an ordinary calamity, as one of the trials and tribulations of life. We have then forgotten that the cross means rejection and shame as well as suffering. The Psalmist was lamenting that he was despised and rejected of men, and that is an essential quality of the suffering of the cross. But this notion has ceased to be intelligible to a Christianity which can no longer see any difference between an ordinary human life and a life committed to Christ. The cross means sharing the suffering of Christ to the last and to the fullest. Only a man thus totally committed in discipleship can experience the meaning of the cross. The cross is there, right from the beginning, he has only got to pick it up: there is no need for him to go out and look for a cross for himself, no need for him deliberately to run after suffering. Jesus says that every Christian has his own cross waiting for him, a cross destined and appointed by God. Each must endure his allotted share of suffering and rejection. But each has a different share: some God deems worthy of the highest form of suffering, and gives them the grace of martyrdom, while others he does not allow to be tempted above that which they are able to bear. But it is the one and the same cross in every case." - Bonhoeffer

What does it mean for a Christian to take up the cross and follow Jesus? I want to feel good about myself and have others think highly of me. I shrink and shirk from suffering. I avoid rejection of any kind. I cannot stand to be mocked and shamed. But in this state, I stand furthest away from Christ.

Interviews are finally taking a toll on me. I'm particularly tired of ordering the Chicken Salad (grilled, caesar, or whatever). I thought I'd be enjoying these nice meals on the firms, but turns out when the adrenaline is coursing, I don't have much of an appetite. Plus, there's the whole etiquette factor... I obviously can't eat the way I do normally... fast and furious and all. haha.

Exciting news - I think I may have discovered a unique legal argument for my law journal article! This is a pretty big deal, you don't even understand. Here's hoping and praying!

Happy Belated Birthday to Dave Hsu! (Did you get my call?)

Happy Birthday to Erin Li and my Aunt Rebecca!!!

There's nothing like hanging out with old friends. Thanks to all of you for making it out for the quintuple birthday bash and Beloved Berkeley Buddies reunion... what a great time! Thanks to Bev for helping out with the super-important logistics!

Congrats to Enoch & Priscilla on their engagement! If you haven't heard the proposal story yet, be sure to ask Enoch about it - what a man! :)

Our Crusade friends laid pretty low during the college years, but now, boy, there sure is a lot of B-Zing going on!

Congratulations to Piya and Pradeep John! What a lovely ceremony. Piya, you looked gorgeous, particularly in the second dress/gown. You were truly Princess Piya!

You know how they called you "two peas in a pod"? Well, I think you are "two P's in a John"!

To my dear friend KO. Do you remember our conversation about this passage?

Then Jesus told them this parable: "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.'" --- Luke 15:3-6

I'm rejoicing!!!!

I'm in love with San Francisco. Everytime I'm in this city I get this achy and melancholy feeling.

Today was blazing blue skies, sunny and in the 70s. Grace and I hung out at a hip and artsy cafe on the edge of Golden Gate Park. Grace has been working on her graphic design assignments (now doesn't that sound fitting and romantic?), while I barely had enough brain power to write some thank-you notes.

It was a completely escapist kind of day... sitting in the sun and forgetting entirely about school, jobs or anything.

Sigh. Life should always be this good.

Happy Birthday to Steve Childs and Putnam Shin! I miss you guys!

I think I can say almost without exaggeration that the last 12 hours have been the worst in my life. Even worse than finals, the nasty all-nighters I pulled last school year, job search... everything! I was supposed to have come up with a topic proposal for my law journal assignment by 11:59pm yesterday (sounds easy, right?) but after day after day research (for a week) and 12+ hours today of poring over hundreds of pages of documents and developing bloodshot eyes and eyestrain, I'm still at ground zero. I feel like a complete dunce. I'm so depressed.

Chris and Linda, we all had a great time at the wedding! It was absolutely beautiful. Chris, you are a dancing maniac - thanks for getting me out on the dance floor. And Dave, I enjoyed doing the running man with you! Can't wait to develop those pictures.

NYC was great too. There just wasn't enough time. Still love the Met. Met up with a couple of young Christian attorneys (friends of Pete Hyun) who were super-nice and welcoming, and was encouraged by their faithfulness in the midst of a demanding work lifestyle.

Happy Belated Birthdays to my dear friends:

Bonnie Yee (9/26), Michelle Woo (10/1), Jennie Niec (10/6), Ellen Ju (10/8), Saeeda Asad (10/10) and Elite Keung (10/11)!

Four words:

Return of the King.

The trailer is SO AWESOME.

Insanity. I feel like the past few weeks have been like running on a treadmill, but it's a little too fast for me and I'm just barely keeping up with it.

The time in Vancouver with family and family friends was really nice. It was a fairly low-stress kind of tour, and I was reminded of a few good things:

1. My family is so cute.
2. There is life and joy outside of law school and law stuff.
3. I am far less patient and kind than I fancy myself to be.
4. We all need good friends to make us laugh.
5. One ought to spend more time walking among thick green mossy trees in forests.
6. Chinese food is awesome!
7. I can always count on Joy to laugh/giggle uncontrollably at silly things, her eyes watering like fountains.
8. My dad snores REALLY REALLY LOUD (wait, this doesn't belong on the "good things" list.)