In honor of our future home...

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City of Blinding Lights
(U2)

The more you see the less you know
The less you find out as you go
I knew much more then than I do now

Neon heart, day-glow eyes
The city lit by fireflies
They're advertising in the skies
And people like us

And I miss you when you're not around
I'm getting ready to leave the ground

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

Don't look before you laugh
Look ugly in a photograph
Flash bulbs, purple irises the camera can't see

I've seen you walk unafraid
I've seen you in the clothes you've made
Can you see the beauty inside of me?
What happened to the beauty I had inside of me?

And I miss you when you're not around
I'm getting ready to leave the ground

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

Time...time...time...time...time won't leave me as I am
But time won't take the boy out of this man
Oh you look so beautiful tonight
Oh you look so beautiful tonight

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

The more you know the less you feel
Some pray for, others steal
Blessings not just for the ones who kneel
Luckily
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Yes.... New York City, here we come! Jason matched at our #1 choice at Mt. Sinai for the Medicine-Pediatrics joint program. Praise God! We are both excited, scared and in awe of what God is doing in our lives. Thank you so much for praying for and thinking of us.

Aaaack! Jason has matched!!! Hooray!!!! We won't know where until Thurs, but at least we know he HAS matched. :)

Today, I suddenly realized that I've been perpetuating a bad attitude (usually unquestioned and empathized by all around me) about the finals season and the taking of exams. I just want to whine and complain and try to avoid it, if at all possible (it's not). And my feelings sway back and forth between an apprehensive fear and a mere adrenaline buzz that forces me to hit the books. I see final exams as a necessary evil, and one that is an obstacle to my degree and my freedom and happiness.

Along with that realization, however, it also occurred to me that if I'm to learn contentment in all circumstances (and duh, particularly the ones that don't naturally lend themselves to it), this will not do. I suppose I'm never to grow in this area if I'm only content when life is swell.

So, I started to look at this time of intense studying (er, cramming) as something enjoyable and even, dare I say it?, praiseworthy. I started thinking about all of the interesting subjects I've been learning... and what I'll know after all of this studying. And the complete focus and intensity of the studying - after all, no one expects me to be anywhere else doing anything else - is a luxury few are afforded in our busy society. To devote one's mind to the mastery of difficult legal concepts and then to be challenged in applying them to interesting factual scenarios, and then to be judged in one's mental performance... it's a means to exercise and develop my brain. And really, it can be kinda fun.

And now, I'm committed to maintaining an attitude of contentment and gratefulness (is that going too far?) in the remaining time. And I'm sure I'll study better for it and will make the next 9.5 days far more tolerable.

The long tunnel of law school is nearly over - I have 8 days of classes left and 3 finals to take... and (so long as I pass my classes) I shall graduate! It is a bit surreal. Also, I can hardly believe that Jason and I will be getting married in 39 days! Most people say, "It's about time!" but at the same time, it also seems fast to stand at the threshold of one of my biggest life choices.

2005 is definitely a big year for endings and beginnings, certainties and uncertainties. The end of my student years, and the beginning of my working years. The end of singleness, and the beginning of marriagedom. The certainty of the law degree, but the uncertainty of its use and place. The certainty of who, but the uncertainty of where, what, when and how.

But then again, the contrasts seems to blur together... maybe a little like the feeling that when it's all said and done, it feels like the most natural thing in the world to happen to you...

Also, Jason's Match Day is March 17. Please pray for us.